Domestic abuse and children
All children are impacted when they live in a home where there is domestic abuse and violence. The impact will vary from child to child and will be dependent on the extent of the abuse, the length of time it goes on and the age of the child. The younger the child when the abuse starts the longer lasting the impact.
People often say that the children were in bed or not in the house and therefore they do not know any abuse has happened.
Even if they are asleep or away, they will see the after effects, feel the tension and instinctively know that something has happened. It is frightening, confusing and upsetting for them. Some will learn that abusive behaviour is normal and then go on to be abusive themselves or be in an abusive relationship.
There is a strong link between growing up in a home where there is abuse and substance misuse, mental health and poor life chances in teenage and adulthood.
Effects on children
- Fear, low self-esteem, anger, distrust and anxiety
- Bedwetting, nightmares and sleep deprivation
- Being bullied or becoming bullies
- Being physically hurt
- Feels isolated and withdraws
- Self harms, misusing drugs and alcohol
- Emotionally torn between their parents
- Does poorly at school, cannot concentrate or is disruptive
- Depression and eating disorders
If this is happening to you
Remember you are not alone and it is not your fault. Many families live with domestic abuse and you can get help and support. Speak to someone you trust, like a family member or a teacher.
It is important to keep yourself safe if an argument starts; find a safe place to go or call someone you trust or the Police.
If your girlfriend or boyfriend is being abusive to you then speak to someone; it is not normal or acceptable in a relationship and everyone has the right to be happy and live without abuse.
A range of support is available to children and their parents, this includes one-to-one or group work support.
The support is tailored to the child’s needs and may include advocacy, themed activity sessions and play work. Programmes such as “You and Me, Mum” and “Monkey bob” are used.
Courses
The Nurture Nest Course
This course is in person and takes 6 weeks to complete.
Who is the course aimed at
Mothers of any age, expectant mothers, babies and children aged under 4. The course is for mothers that have left the abusive relationship; however, participants are reviewed on a case-by-case basis and the team can ensure women are safe to attend.
Please note this course can also be facilitated for fathers within a male only group setting.
The Nurture Nest is a 6-week programme to support parents of babies and toddlers under 4 years old who have lived with domestic abuse. This is a friendly course for mothers, mothers-to-be and their children using play activities, ideas of how they can play at home and make and take sessions.
Outcomes
- To support parent or child bonding
- To gain an understanding of the benefits of play and attachment
- The impact of domestic abuse on the developing brain and parenting
You and Me, Mum Course
This course is online or in person and takes 10 weeks to complete.
Who is the course aimed at
Women (mothers) of any age. The course is for mothers that have left the abusive relationship; however, participants are reviewed on a case-by-case basis and the team can ensure women are safe to attend.
This programme is for women only as it’s a ‘Women’s Aid’ programme.
You and Me, Mum is a 10-week programme for women which will help them understand the effects of domestic abuse on them as a parent and how it effects their children. It will empower, support and develop further understanding of the role as a mother in addressing the needs of the children and young people. The course focuses on self-empowerment and mutual aid. It doesn’t work directly with children. It recognises the central role of a mother in the protection and positive development of their children and young people. Course participants can self-refer to the programme. Each session will be approximately 2 1/2 hours long. Course participants should have experience of taking part in groupwork.
Outcomes
- To understand how domestic violence affects you as parent
- To understand the effects of domestic violence on children and young people. To develop effective communication skills with children and young people
- To promote healthy relationships
- To explore key Protective Behaviour messages and strategies for keeping women, children and young people safe
ACE’s Recovery Toolkit Course
This course is in person and takes 8 weeks to complete.
Who is the course aimed at
Children and young people aged 8-18 years who have witnessed or experienced domestic abuse, and to promote recovery.
This programme is for women only as it’s a ‘Women’s Aid’ programme.
The Children and Young People Toolkit is an 8-week programme that uses a combination of creative activities and group working to develop young people’s resilience and give them opportunity to experience the healing of relational support. It provides information and education that enables children and young people to cope with the adversity they have experienced, (and may do so in the future).
Outcomes
- To help children and young people to become experts in their own recovery, allowing them to understand that they are not responsible for what has happened to them
- To allow children and young people to understand that they are not blamed for actions or decisions taken at the time of domestic abuse
- To help children and young people come to terms with their experiences and find their voice
- To help children and young people develop a positive lifestyle and coping strategies
Aspire Course
This course is online, in person, 1 to 1 or in a group setting. There is no timeframe for 1-1 work, groupwork is 8 weeks.
Who is the course aimed at
All genders, aged 16-18 years who recognise their behaviour is harmful and abusive to intimate partners or family members.
The Aspire programme can be delivered in a group or on a 1-2-1 basis depending on the client’s needs. The programme is aimed at 16–18 years who recognise their harmful behaviours towards either a parent, family member or within their own intimate relationship and are looking for support to make sense of this and to make changes. The course itself is trauma informed and taken at a pace to suit the client as this will support to build a trusting professional relationship and a positive outcome to be achieved.
Outcomes
- To support through recognising Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s) and trauma responses
- To educate and empower in relation to understanding abuse and healthy relationships
- Use of the tools from the Engage programme to challenge thought processes and to learn the importance of ‘Time Out’ sand coping strategies
Side-by-Side Course
This course is in person and is by invite only. Takes 10 weeks to complete.
Who is the course aimed at
Any gender, parents or carers and children aged 8-14 years who have lived with domestic violence and abuse within the family and have left the abusive relationship.
The course aims to increase understanding of the impact of domestic abuse and of healthy relationships, enhance coping and resilience, and improve the parent-child relationship (in part through effective communication). The course is centred on learning through a mixture of creative activities, play and discussion. It can be adapted for special circumstances, for example child to parent abuse and older children, and on request adaptation to include other family members such as grandparents.
Outcomes
- Understand healthy relationships
- Gain awareness of emotions and their impact on ourselves and those around us
- Learn coping skills to regulate and express emotions
- Develop empathy and healing between parent and child, focus on enjoying, repairing and building on the parent child relationship
Grow together Course
This course is in person and takes 8 weeks to complete.
Who is the course aimed at
Any gender, parents or carers and children aged 8-14 years who have lived with domestic violence and abuse within the family and have left the abusive relationship.
Children and young people are the innocent victims when being subjected to domestic violence and abuse within the family. Their experiences can leave them feeling confused, unsafe and often with ambivalent feelings towards their non-abusive parent. Children and young people have often taken the role of “carer” for their non-abusive parent and need to see their parent becoming stronger and more empowered in their parenting role in order to enjoy childhood once more.
Outcomes
- Understand domestic abuse and its impact on individual family members
- Awareness of how domestic abuse impacts on the parent or child relationship
- How we communicate with our children and the difficulties we encounter
- The importance of play and its healing qualities
Get in touch
If you are concerned for yourself or someone else, our local, confidential helpline will advise anyone seeking help with domestic abuse. This includes relatives, friends and work colleagues as well as those who are causing harm.
Speak to us on 0800 69 49 999. Our phone line is available 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week.