Young people and domestic abuse

Recognise the signs of an unhealthy relationship and what you can do to get help

Young people experience the highest rates of domestic abuse of any age group. If you are 16 or over and have suffered one or more incidents of controlling or threatening behaviour or assault by a boy or girlfriend or a family member, you are a victim of domestic violence.

Warning signs for young people

If you are in an abusive relationships you may experience the abusive partner:

  • Constantly checking your phone or emails without permission
  • Putting you down in front of others or to your face
  • Trying to stop you seeing family and friends
  • Mood swings and explosive temper
  • Possessiveness and extreme jealously
  • Making false accusations
  • Asking you to take part in ‘sexting’
  • Making you have sex without consent
  • Making you watch pornography or filming you having sex
  • Telling you what you can or cannot wear and where you can or cannot go
  • Physically hurting you in any way
  • Saying they will hurt themselves or someone else if you do not do something

Young people at risk

Heterosexual and young people who identify as LGBTQ can experience similar patterns of Domestic Abuse, there are however some specific issues that are unique to LGBTQ victims.

  • Threats to disclose your sexual orientation, or ‘out’ you to family, friends or work colleagues.
  • Increased isolation because of factors such as lack of family support.
  • Limiting or controlling access to spaces or networks relevant to the LGBTQ community.
  • Poor experience or believing there are no services available.
  • Withholding medication or preventing treatment needed to express your gender identity.
  • Targeting areas of your body where you may have had surgery during physical assaults.
  • Refusing to use your correct pronouns.
  • Telling others about your Trans background or identity.

(reference: Crime Survey for England and Wales: year ending March 2018 Stats): The % of gay men (5.1%) or bisexual men (5.6%) who experienced abuse from a partner in 2017/2018 is double the number for heterosexual men (2.2%)

Talking about it

important

If you are young person under 19 and are worried about anything, you can phone Childline. No problem is too big or too small. Call them on 0800 1111 or chat to them online.

For parents and carers

The NSPCC provide information and advice for any adult concerned about the safety or wellbeing of a child.

Young Minds also have lots of information if you think a young person has witnessed or experienced abuse or domestic violence.

Find out how we can help you and how you can get in touch.

Myths and misconceptions about domestic abuse

They do not hit me so it is not abuse

Reality: Abuse does not always take the form of violence. It can be controlling, coercive, threatening or degrading behaviour.

Find out more about the different types of abuse.

Alcohol and drugs make people more violent

Reality: Alcohol and drugs do not cause domestic abuse, but can make existing abuse worse. Many people use alcohol or drugs and do not abuse their partner, so it should never be used to excuse violent or controlling behaviour. The perpetrator alone is responsible for her actions.

All couples argue – it’s not domestic abuse, it is just a normal relationship

Reality: While disagreeing sometimes is part of a health relationship, when abuse is involved, there is no discussion between equals. There is fear of saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing, and control over the other person’s thinking, emotions and behaviour.

Find out more about Recognising unhealthy relationships.

Domestic abuse always involves physical or sexual violence

Reality: Domestic abuse is often thought of as the beating up of a partner or sexual assault but sometimes there is no physical assault.

Other abusive behaviours include:

  • Coercive control
  • Psychological abuse
  • Financial or economic control
  • Emotional abuse
  • Harassment
  • Stalking
  • Online or digital abuse

Only women experience domestic abuse

Reality: Men can also experience domestic abuse from their female partners. People can be subjected to abuse regardless of how they identify their sexuality. Abuse can happen in same sex relationships. However, it is not just between partners, it can be between other types of family relationships.

Domestic abuse is a rare occurrence

Reality: Often domestic abuse goes on behind closed doors and is underreported, however it is not an uncommon occurrence. One in four women and one in six men will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime.

Domestic abuse is often a one-off incident

Reality: An abusive relationship has an ongoing cycle of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members. It will often get worse over time.

People experiencing abuse often provoke assaults and therefore “ask for it.”

Reality: Domestic abuse cannot be justified in any way. Nobody is responsible for making someone abusive towards them. Abuse that has been going on in a relationship for a long time, sometimes decades, often becomes normalised, even to the point of believing they deserve to be hurt. This can lead to someone rationalising and defending their abuser’s behaviour.

An abusive relationship does not always affect the children

Reality: An estimated 90% of children whose parents are in an abusive relationship witness the abuse. When a child witnesses domestic abuse it is child abuse. The trauma can have a long-lasting emotional and psychological effect on them.

Domestic abuse is a private matter that others should not get involved in.

Reality: Domestic abuse is a crime and should not be ignored. Trying to tackle the situation on your own may be dangerous.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse phone 0800 69 49 999.

In an emergency you should always dial 999, if you are unable to speak because you are worried you will be overheard you can press 55 and the operator will know that you need assistance.

More information

Supporting young people

Information on healthy teenage relationships, warning signs of abuse and who can help

Support for children

Find information for those that have experienced or witnessed domestic abuse

Support for parents and carers

Information to help you know what to do if a child talks about domestic abuse

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuse is any type of controlling, bullying, threatening or violent behaviour between people in a relationship

Types of abuse

Domestic abuse is not just about violent acts, learn more about the different types

Recognising unhealthy relationships

What to look out for and signs that there is domestic abuse in a relationship

Directory of additional support services

Somerset Domestic Abuse Service is Somerset’s main specialist service which provides support to men, women and children who are affected by domestic abuse.

Find other local and national services that can provide you with extra support.

Find a service

Contact us

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0800 69 49 999

Emergencies

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call the Police

999

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