Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and the freedom for both people to live their lives without fear or control.
However, sometimes behaviours can develop gradually that begin to undermine those foundations. In many cases, the person using these behaviours may not immediately recognise the impact they are having.
Recognising when behaviour is starting to cross the line can be the first step towards making positive changes and building healthier relationships.
1. Feeling the need to monitor your partner
Trust is a key part of any healthy relationship. However, if you often feel the need to check your partner’s phone, track where they are, or question who they spend time with, it may be a sign that control is beginning to replace trust.
While curiosity or concern can be natural at times, repeatedly monitoring someone’s actions can make them feel watched, restricted, or unable to live independently.
Healthy relationships allow both people to maintain friendships, interests, and personal space.
2. Becoming angry when things do not go your way
Disagreements are normal in any relationship. However, if frustration quickly turns into anger, shouting, intimidation, or threats, it can create an environment where the other person feels unsafe expressing their views.
Over time, this can lead to one person avoiding conflict altogether simply to keep the peace.
Learning healthier ways to communicate during disagreements can make a significant difference to the health of a relationship.
3. Using guilt or pressure to influence decisions
Sometimes people use emotional pressure without realising the impact it can have.
This might include:
- Making someone feel guilty for spending time with friends or family
- Pressuring them to change their plans
- Repeatedly arguing until they give in
- These behaviours can gradually limit someone’s independence and decision-making.
- Respectful relationships allow both people to make their own choices without feeling pressured or controlled.
4. Controlling money or day-to-day choices
Financial control is another behaviour that can affect the balance of power in a relationship.
For example, this might involve controlling access to money, questioning every purchase, or making decisions about finances without discussion.
Over time, this can leave one person feeling dependent or unable to make decisions about their own life.
Healthy relationships involve shared decision-making and transparency.
5. Blaming others for your reactions
When conflicts happen, it can be easy to focus on what the other person did wrong.
But if you often find yourself thinking or saying things like:
- “You made me do that”
- “You pushed me too far”
- “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have reacted like this”
…it may be a sign that responsibility for behaviour is being shifted onto someone else.
Taking responsibility for our actions is an important part of building healthier relationships.
Recognising the opportunity for change
Reading about these behaviours may feel uncomfortable but recognising them is an important first step.
Many people who take part in behaviour change programmes say they had not fully understood the impact of their behaviour until they began reflecting on it.
Change is possible, and support is available for people who want to build healthier and more respectful relationships.
Support through the Engage Programme
The Engage Programme, commissioned by Somerset Council and delivered by The You Trust, supports individuals who are concerned about their behaviour towards a partner, ex-partner or family member.
Through structured support, participants are encouraged to reflect on their behaviour, understand its impact on others, and develop practical strategies to build healthier relationships.
Seeking support is not about blame or punishment. It is about taking responsibility and choosing to make positive changes.
Support in Somerset
If you are concerned about your behaviour towards a partner, ex-partner or close family member support is available from the Engage Programme:
Call: 0800 69 49 999 (8am–8pm, 7 days a week including bank holidays)
Website: Somerset Domestic Abuse Service (including live chat, 10am-4pm, Mon-Fri)
Email: domesticabuseservice@somerset.gov.uk
In an emergency dial 999. If speaking puts you at risk, stay silent, tap the phone, and press 55 when prompted.
For those who are deaf, hard of hearing, or speech-impaired, register with emergencySMS.net to text 999 in an emergency. If you use British Sign Language (BSL) you can go to 999 BSL for a BSL interpreter.
